I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
