I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I need a beard to bite.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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