I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
