I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
