I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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