The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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