I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
