If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
