WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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