Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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