Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
