I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
