put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
