i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
