We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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