margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
