I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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