I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
