Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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