i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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