so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
