As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
