4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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