Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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