Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
