I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
