My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
