omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
