You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
