Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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