His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
