What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize