I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
