I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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