why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
