You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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