There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
