There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
What a dumb baby whore.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
