Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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