This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
They have beer where we have blood.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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