so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
