I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
We're too hungover to prance.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You are a genius and a whore.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
