just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
