Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I had to cum in my sink.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
