I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
