I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
