Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize