a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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