she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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