Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We're too hungover to prance.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
