if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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