I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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