i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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