i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
