Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
