I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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