I will die if light touches me.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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