God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Randomize
