Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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