His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
