We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
