Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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