My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
you made out with another girl for some wings
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
