Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize