Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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