Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
