There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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