Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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