What did we do last night that was yellow?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
