I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
