I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
