those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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