You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
