It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
