Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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