I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
