A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
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We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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